You can't dominate depression through brute force, it's a bratty sub with no respect for your dom hat. People who struggle with depression, bi-polar, or social anxiety will still have these problems as a person of kink - as in the military world, a psychological (dis)order is of higher priority than a personal order, and will probably get countermanded by that higher power. If you had little to offer a partner in the vanilla world, chances are that the same will hold true in the kinkosphere, and becoming a doormat sub, or a dom that will push too hard and call it 'edgy' won't fix that problem. Yes, it might open ones eyes to more facets of their own desires and personality, but it won't give you a personality where little exists, and it won't magically turn you into another person. It doesn't fix serious psychological problems, it doesn't replace medication or therapy, nor will it immediately make your life all roses & champagne. I don't want it to devolve (any more than it already is) into mindless hedonism & adrenaline junkies looking for their next fix, their next over-the-edge scene, their next way to shock Mommy & Daddy. It's just another form of entitlement (I want this, and I don't want to wait for it, or earn it) which preys on the integrity of the scene and kink at large. Those who haven't tasted both sides of the whip tend to lack the empathy and respect for their kink counterparts as well - emotional sadism seems to be the new trendy identity. Otherwise it's all popped tendons & chandeliers pulled out of the ceiling, crying 'Ohh, poor me, where's my other leg?'.ĭoms don't automatically get more respect than subs, either - for me, I think it takes a lot more courage to come out and identify as a submissive in the scene, when so often, they're regarded as community property, a service to be nonconsensually utilized at will (a reason I am a coward & identify mostly as dom in public). In order to fuck like a gymnast, you have to put in the years of training, blood, tears & sweat. The waiting is what makes it all the more sweet when it does finally click in, and work more smoothly (never perfectly - we're all flawed creatures). That shit is on a slow boat from China, and you'll get it when you get it. Yes, it's a fantasy that is attainable, but you can't order it from Amazon and get next day shipping. If both parties are new, have relatively no experience with long-term D/s dynamics or kink in general, that becomes more of a rule, and there are fewer exceptions. You might want to have a total power exchange Master/slave, no safewords & no limits relationship, but that can take years of patience, work, and gradual building of a solid foundation of D/s to make it successful.

The humility is what's lacking so much in a lot of doms I see in the scene now - they think that since they decided to call themselves Master HorseHung, that all should convey a level of respect and/or awe that they haven't earned yet. Not only did a newbie not immediately earn the title Master (or whatever name they're going by, equally the same thing), but they didn't even get to wield that power at first - they started out at the bottom of the pile, so to speak, and earned their way up with education, respect and humility.

These situations are where I really feel old, and my respect for the 'old school' leather hierarchy & mentoring process grows. Young+Newbie+New relationship=rocky soil for instant M/s, in my experience. That kind of trust, education and responsibility can take years to attain, and without the proper respect for the psychological dynamite that's being played with, it can have poor results and damage otherwise good relationships. My gut reaction is that a lot of people try to rush into an intense M/s relationship without the long-term foundation and preparation it takes to sustain and nurture that kind of relationship. The conversation was good - some banter, then talking about coming out to family & friends as kinky, poly, bi, gay, etc., and M/s interactions and consequences. It took me an hour to get to Topspace, and after a run to Chipotle for sustenance, I collapsed into an eating frenzy at TS.

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